Dr. 58 -- Session 8

Opening statement: Dr. 58, do you attend the Hassas Grid?


ANSWER: MAN THING, SEE THEE UP.

Question: Not you again! Who are you and what do you want?

ANSWER: HEED EE NOW, MAN THING. EE WOULD SAVVY THEE.

Question: That's progress. What do you want?

ANSWER: CRAVE THEE A BOON, MAN THING, DA YEE?

Question: A boon? Don't tell me your offering me something.

ANSWER: AYE, MAN THING. GO YEE SOFT. CRAVE THEE A BOON?

Question: No. But purely for the sake of discussion what are you offering?

ANSWER: A BOON TO THEE, MAN THING. A RIGHT BOON!

Question: My patience is limited. What is the boon?

ANSWER: BUT SOFTLY, DO THEE CRAVE IT?

Question: Right now, I’m craving a cup of coffee. I'll tell you what. I will name my boon.

ANSWER: SPEAK IT TO EE, MAN THING.

Question: Let it first be understood, that the boon I now request be offered freely to me from you, and without reservation. In providing this boon, it implies absolutely no obligation from me to you or anyone else on my part whatsoever. In providing me this boon, it is understood that I owe you nothing now, not retroactively, nor in the future, nor anyone else, including any of your associates. In short, the boon I ask is to be given to me freely by you -- from you to me -- and that after the boon is given, no obligation remains in the absolute and extreme sense, and in every nuance of meaning. You provide the boon, I take it, and no obligation entails, nothing remains, not even the air itself, nor even the fabric of the universe, not one single atom or subatomic particle, or antiparticle, in this universe or any alternate or parallel universe in any permutation. Do you savvy?

ANSWER: MAN THING, EE HERE CANNOT ACCEPT UNTIL EE SAVVY THE BOON.

Question: The boon I request, then, is an item of information. Remember, in providing this information to me, you are supplying it to me freely, and I mean free in the radical, extreme and unlimited and infinite sense.

ANSWER: SAVVY! SPEAK THEE BOON!

Question: Why do you call me "Man Thing"?

ANSWER: AYE, MAN THING. THOU ART A SUB MAN, CLEAR?

Question: No. Let it be understood that if I continue to request the boon of additional information from you, the same aforementioned standard applies, that of complete and total relief from any obligation between me and you whatsoever. Do you savvy?

ANSWER: AYE, SPEAK THEE, MAN THING.

Question: You think I am a Sub Man? I presume that implies that you are in some way superior to me? I mean, do you consider yourself some kind of higher form of man than me?

ANSWER: GO THEE SOFT, MAN THING! EE NOT BE A MAN HERE. THEE BE MAN OF SHADOW MINNESOTA.

Question: I'm a man from Shadow Minnesota, and therefore a sub man, or man thing? Who are what are you? Remember our ongoing agreement regarding freely offered information.

ANSWER: EE NOT BE A MAN, BUT CERTAINLY OF THE KINGDOM.

Question: You're not a man, not a human being, but some kind of creature or entity of some kingdom? What kingdom is that?

QUESTION: TRUE KINGDOM, MAN THING. THEE FRIEND AND THEE RUCK IN MINNESOTA, BUT THEE ERR, MAN THING. THEE ERR!

Question: What friend are you talking about?

ANSWER: AYE, DR. 58, MAN THING.

Question: How do we err, as you say?

ANSWER: THEE AND DR. 58 RUCK IN MINNESOTA. YET THERE BE A TRUE KINGDOM, AYE?

Question: Hmmm. What you seem to be saying is that I exist in some sort of lower, perhaps cruder version of Minnesota, a shadow version, but my universe is perhaps a sub universe of some kind of higher, or perhaps more legitimate Minnesota, and this is the true Kingdom. Is that the case?

ANSWER: AYE, MAN THING, TRUE KINGDOM! SAVVY!

Question: Well, Dr. 58 seems to be talking about some version of Minnesota that bears no resemblance to mine. Is the true Minnesota Dr. 58 seeks information about your Kingdom?

ANSWER: AYE, AYE, MAN THING! SAVVY!

Question: How it that you are able to listen in on our conversation? What is your method? And, incidentally, this is rather rude and inconsiderate behavior.

ANSWER; NOT THEE BOON TO KNOW, MAN THING! THIS BE A NEW BOON.

Question: Then forget about it, I don’t want to know how you are listening in, I don’t even want to know why. Offer me this boon, but only if freely and without obligation in the extreme, total and complete sense of the meaning. Tell me your name.

ANSWER: ERR YEE, DO! ERR, MAN THING! NOT BE THIS THY BOON!

Question: Well, then just what the hell do you want? And if you are draining my C-Chits, then you are coming under obligation to me, do you savvy?

ANSWER: C-CHIT FOR THEE SUB MAN, MAN THING! C-CHIT NOT FOR KINGDOM!

Question: Whaaaaat-- evvvvvverrrrr! What do you want!!!!!!!!

ANSWER: TELL YEE THY FRIEND, DR. 58, TO VISIT KINGDOM. DR. 58 SHOULD KINGDOM COME. HE SAVVY YOU.

Question: That’s what this is all about? You want me to use my connection with Dr. 58 to try to convince him to travel to your Kingdom, this region which you say is the “Real Minnesota” Dr. 58 is talking about?

ANSWER: SAVVY THAT! I GEE THEE A BOON!

Question: You want me to sell out Dr. 58, and you will provide me with some kind of reward?

ANSWER: SAVVY! SAVVY, MAN THING!

Question: Ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha! What will you do when he gets there? Perhaps clone him out into some kind of doppelganger, send him back to New York so he can suck out his mom and dad’s brains?

ANSWER: IGNORANT, MAN THING! CRUDE! NOT THEE BOON TO KNOW BUSINESS OF THE KINGDOM. SEND THEE DR. 58 HERE!

Question: I have no power to send him, nor will I recommend that he travel to his version of Minnesota, your Kingdom. If he chooses to go there of his own free will, that’s his business and none of mine. We are finished here.

ANSWER: SEE THEE UP, MAN THING! SEE THEE DOONE!

Question: Once again, and with much, much regret, I must remind you that we are prepared to enact Plan 9 less you cease and desist.

ANSWER: SAVVY ME THIS, PLAN 9, MAN THING. WHAT BE PLAN 9?

Question: You’ll understand it quite well after it rips your face off. Now good-bye.

(That ended the communication with this entity. How curious! I wonder what is really going on?)